Feeling a bit disconnected

disconnectedA lot of things have changed over the past couple of years and I’ve gained a lot of self acceptance. But even though I’ve started to see my introversion as a strength, there are still times when I struggle with wanting to be different. This past weekend triggered this feeling a few times.

I went on a weekend camping trip with a few friends and acquaintances. During the trip, I was able to reconnect with an old friend I hadn’t seen in about a year. We spent a few hours catching up. During our conversation, she updated me on some of our mutual friends. One of my friends had just gotten engaged. Another had moved to Australia for work. I wasn’t aware any of this had happened and I started to wonder if I should be doing more texting/emailing in order to stay current. Some of my friends are constantly texting, which is probably why they know so much about everyone.

On the last day, a small group of people went kayaking. My friend was invited but I wasn’t. I would have loved to go kayaking, but because they didn’t invite me, nor did they give an open invitation to everyone, I didn’t say anything. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me. But it does hurt when I’m overlooked for an event I’ve already expressed interest in. Sometimes I will invite myself, but most of the time I’ll let it slide.

Finding the balance between being social and getting the necessary alone time is hard. I want to do things with people, just not all the time. In a perfect world, I’d have invitations to everything, then get to choose which activities to show up for. In real life, things are different. If I decline an invitation, I get invited to things less often, even after I’ve explained myself. Or I’ll be invited at the last minute when I already have plans for the day.

I know I need to speak up more and be more open with people. But at the same time, I refuse to be that pushy person who invites themselves to everything. I’m still working to find a balance.

Have you had similar experiences? Do you have any tips or insight?

Image credit: “talking while walking” by micagoto is licensed under CC by 2.0