A quick update

I wanted to share a short life update with you. It’s been a while since I’ve felt motivated to write, so I wanted to seize the opportunity and post something 🙂

This past month has been insanely busy and stressful at work. But we’ve finally passed the worst of it. I’m definitely dealing with burnout, which is exacerbated by talkative coworkers in an open office. 

One thing that I’ve recently added to my arsenal of helpful introvert tools is a pair of reusable ear plugs. They block out nearly all background noise (like printers running and keys clicking) and reduce noise from chatter around me. I’m still able to have conversations while wearing them and it’s helped to reduce a lot of overstimulation. I really wish I had discovered them sooner haha.

I’ve also been incorporating more exercise, stretching, and short yoga routines into my schedule. As well as taking extra time to recharge when I need it. Other fun updates include a new haircut and upcoming travel plans. I haven’t finalized things yet, but am planning another trip to the Philippines with possible stopovers in Japan, South Korea, or Singapore. All suggestions are welcome.

I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week!

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Finding Joy

These past 10 months have been difficult. You can reference my May post for context if you’d like. But things have been getting brighter and clearer recently. The numbness persisted for a long time. It’s a strange feeling that’s not easy to explain or describe. I could enjoy time with friends but still feel empty. I could watch funny movies and laugh, but it felt shallow. 

But things are slowly improving. I spent a weekend camping with friends and family and it was lovely. I needed the break, the time in nature and quiet, and the freedom of a weekend without a strict schedule. I came back feeling so refreshed. I feel more hopeful and at peace than I’ve felt in a very long time. And I’ve started to rediscover joy. Photography and ballroom dancing being two of those things. And I know things will be okay. I hope you are all doing well 🙂 

A small update of sorts

Life has been difficult as of late. I haven’t written in ages. And I feel a bit bad about that. About 6 months ago I lost a close family member. Since that point it’s been difficult to write out how I was feeling. Or even muster up the motivation to write anything. But I didn’t want to totally lose the connection I had with you all.

I’m doing a lot better now. The shock and the strong emotions are not as tumultuous and strong as they were initially. I’m not back to normal, I don’t think that anyone is ever truly the same after loss. Grief hasn’t been an enjoyable journey, but I can empathize now. I’ve been spending lots of time with family and friends and engaging in creative pursuits that have helped me recapture joy in my daily life. I’ve restarted my fitness journey and enjoy going for long walks outside. I’m just grateful the weather has warmed up and I’m able to enjoy the spring weather. I’m also making sure I get enough quality quiet time when I need.

I am planning on writing a little more frequently, but will start slow. I hope you are all doing well, please take care 🙂

Musings

I’ve been a bit out of sorts lately. I think it’s due to the rainy, snowy weather we’ve been getting recently. I love the crisp fall air, colourful leaves, and the atmosphere of the season. But it can also get cold and drizzly which isn’t nearly as pleasant. Here’s hoping the weather will warm up again, even for a little. As you may have noticed, I was away for a couple of weeks. Then came back to chaos at work and the catching up process. We’re also down a couple of people due to vacations, so it’s been extra hectic. I’ve been really mentally drained and burned out.

But I’m learning to be kind to myself and have given myself permission to rest. In my free time I’ve been spending a lot of time reading and thinking. I’ve been tidying up my personal spaces at home which makes me feel productive. I’ve been cooking lots of comfort foods, which is especially nice with the cool weather outside. And I’ve been investing time in a new friendship which has brought me joy. I’ve also been more motivated to write, so hopefully I can share more content on here too.

So while there is struggle, there’s also been positivity. How have you been faring lately?

6 Things About Me

On a lighter note, I wanted to share a few things about me. Let me know if you feel similarly, or if you’re completely different. I always enjoy hearing from you 🙂

I enjoy a slower pace of living.
I love mornings on the weekend. Since I don’t have to rush to work, I can take my time getting up. I’ll brew up a mug of coffee whilst checking on my plants and making sure they’re watered and happy. I’ll wander around the living room and tidy things up. Or nestle onto the couch and watch the bright sunshine stream in through the open windows. It’s the perfect way to start the day.

I prefer being alone most of the time.
I rarely find myself feeling lonely. Ironically, I often feel the most alone when I’m in a crowd of people. But when I’m at home, puttering around, or spending time on creative pursuits, I feel very content. I still enjoy the company of people, just in small doses.

I have a calming presence.
I’ve had people tell me that spending time with me calms them down. Even in stressful situations, I apparently give off chill and relaxed vibes. I guess that’s a good thing as I like making people feel comfortable.

Most people don’t know the real me.
On the outside I’m quiet and reserved while still being friendly. But if you’re paying attention, you might notice I don’t share a whole lot about me. Only a few have seen me at my most authentic and vulnerable.

I hate small talk.
Years of customer service has honed my ability to converse in small talk. But I still don’t enjoy it. I can tolerate it as a way to break the ice. But when the entire conversation is small talk, I find myself going just a little bit insane. I then start plotting ways to excuse myself and escape the conversation. I have even hid in washrooms to avoid small talk.

I don’t answer the phone very often.
If I don’t recognize a name or number, I won’t pick up. If it’s important they’ll leave a message. I’ve also been known to stare at incoming calls and let them go to voicemail. Then I call back when I’m mentally prepared to talk.

Nearly the weekend

It’s been a long week. We’ve been consistently busy at work which is good. But the only downside is that greater engagement with clients and coworkers at work leaves me more burned out by the time I go home. Fortunately I have about an hour alone in the evening before my roommate gets back. So I use that time to prep supper, prepare things for the next day, and do bits of cleaning in our shared areas.

I’m not sure if it’s due to the restrictions, but my (highly extroverted) roommate has been more needy than ever. She’s pretty good at leaving me alone if my door is closed. And I’ve been utilizing that option a lot lately in order to recharge. So that’s been great. But as soon as I leave my room to fetch a glass of water or use the washroom, she pops out of her room like a jack-in-the-box and starts talking. It would be almost comical if I wasn’t so mentally exhausted. And at that point, I’m not even coherent. So I can’t really explain why I need to be alone.

On the plus side, we’ve been having absolutely beautiful weather. So I’ve been able to go for walks outdoors more often. It’s truly been a lifesaver. Especially since my roommate only leaves our place for work and groceries. And constantly wants to talk when we’re in the same room. And follows me around like a puppy if I move from one room to the next.

But I’m looking forward to this weekend. I’ll probably do some cleaning around home (with headphones in). Grab a cup of coffee or tea and go for a walk. And spend some time with my daily planner. What are you up to this weekend?

Being thankful

Every autumn I like to do a series of posts. Sometimes it’s sharing my love of autumn, other times it’s been travel quotes.

In the midst of these crazy times, full of lock-downs and restrictions, I wanted to share something positive. I want to share one thing I’m grateful for every day for three weeks. I hope you enjoy them and please feel free to share what you’re grateful for in the comments 🙂

My love of autumn

The stirrings of autumn have begun. There are tinges of yellow on the trees and a few leaves have already fallen to the ground.

Autumn is my favourite. I love going for walks while the soft smell of decay fills my senses. Taking in the vivid reds and oranges suspended in the canopy above and scattered on the ground below. Crunching my way through the fallen leaves along the path.

Autumn has its own charm. It feels romantic, lends itself to emotion. It brings coziness and warmth. There’s an ache of nostalgia, longing, melancholy. A shift in season and temperature. It feels like memories, love, loss.

Even grey, rainy, days can be magical. Finding comfort curled up with a good book. Wearing a cozy shrug and woolen socks. A cup of tea at my elbow. Watching raindrops slide down the window pane.

There’s coziness in warm flannels and soft sweaters. The texture and scent of woolen scarves, leather boots, and snug denim. Comfort foods on cool nights. Thick, rich soups and stews. All the pumpkin spice I can handle. Cups of steaming, spicy chai. So hot I burn my tongue but come back for more. I love autumn!

What is your favourite season?

5 Things About Me

I thought it would be fun to do a lighter post. Here are a few things about me you may not know.

1. The older I get, the less I care what others think.
This has been so incredibly freeing for me. I’m still a people-pleaser at heart, something I’m working to overcome, but I feel more at peace. There’s no longer any intense pressure to conform to what I think others want.

2. I write far better than I speak.
Writing gives me time to sort through my thoughts and feelings and choose the most appropriate word for the occasion. Thankfully I’m blessed with family and friends who are patient when I mix my words together or stutter (which happens if I’m nervous or tired).

3. I find it easy to see things from another’s perspective.
Travel and personal experiences have broadened my world. It’s far richer for all the people I’ve met and interacted with. However, it also can become frustrating when dealing with those who only see life one way.

4. I internalize stress.
I never knew how to handle stress as I was growing up. I’d simply shoulder everything until it overwhelmed me. Then I’d have an emotional meltdown (usually over something small and insignificant). Over the last 5+ years I’ve been learning to be more proactive. Meditation, mindfulness, exercise, and time in nature has helped me alleviate and deal with stress.

5. I find labels helpful but am not defined by them.
I’m an introvert (specifically INFJ) and a HSP (highly sensitive person). Learning there was a reason for the way I thought and functioned completely changed my perspective. I finally felt normal. That being said, I don’t find myself constrained by labels and am always pushing for self improvement.

What’s something interesting about you?

Daily challenges

I’m struggling a bit. Due to the current situation, I’ve been at home a lot. So has my gregarious, extroverted roommate. She wants to hang out all the time but I don’t have the energy or the desire to do so. We’ve had conversations in the past about our differences in energy and how I need alone time to recharge, but we may need to revisit it.

I understand she’s been having a hard time adjusting to this new normal. There’s nowhere to go after work so we both end up at home around the same time. She only hangs out with one other friend (every once in a while) so I’m her main source of companionship. I’ve been trying to spend a consistent amount of time with her. Usually for an hour or so most evenings and in the afternoon on Sunday. But it’s never enough.

Even outside the time we spend together, she’s always trying to get my attention. I’ll be doing food prep in the kitchen and she’ll be talking to me from the couch. Making random comments or asking my opinion on what book she should buy or what she should have for dinner. She doesn’t actually want my opinion, as she never acts on it, so I think she’s just trying to illicit a response.

My only safe space is my room. Fortunately she respects the closed door (most of the time) and lets me recharge. But as soon as I leave my room to use the washroom or get a glass of water, she immediately pops out of her room, and starts talking. It just feels very invasive. If our conversations were deep and meaningful, it would be one thing. But they’re filled with small talk, chatter, memes, and daily grievances.

I’m planning on taking some extra quiet time this week and weekend to recharge. Any suggestions on how to proceed are greatly appreciated.