I’m struggling a bit. Due to the current situation, I’ve been at home a lot. So has my gregarious, extroverted roommate. She wants to hang out all the time but I don’t have the energy or the desire to do so. We’ve had conversations in the past about our differences in energy and how I need alone time to recharge, but we may need to revisit it.
I understand she’s been having a hard time adjusting to this new normal. There’s nowhere to go after work so we both end up at home around the same time. She only hangs out with one other friend (every once in a while) so I’m her main source of companionship. I’ve been trying to spend a consistent amount of time with her. Usually for an hour or so most evenings and in the afternoon on Sunday. But it’s never enough.
Even outside the time we spend together, she’s always trying to get my attention. I’ll be doing food prep in the kitchen and she’ll be talking to me from the couch. Making random comments or asking my opinion on what book she should buy or what she should have for dinner. She doesn’t actually want my opinion, as she never acts on it, so I think she’s just trying to illicit a response.
My only safe space is my room. Fortunately she respects the closed door (most of the time) and lets me recharge. But as soon as I leave my room to use the washroom or get a glass of water, she immediately pops out of her room, and starts talking. It just feels very invasive. If our conversations were deep and meaningful, it would be one thing. But they’re filled with small talk, chatter, memes, and daily grievances.
I’m planning on taking some extra quiet time this week and weekend to recharge. Any suggestions on how to proceed are greatly appreciated.
welcome to my little piece of quiet 
I feel for you……It is difficult sharing a space with an extrovert when you are an introvert – particularly during a pandemic! Extroverts don’t always understand our need to re-charge or require alone time to think, and often misinterpret what our “distance” or “closing ourselves away” means. I wish I could offer some advice, but I’m not sure I have any. I struggle with these same issues with my spouse (who is an extrovert). 🙂 You have to find some way in which you can both agree on how to respect each others space and needs. That takes a lot of work, and is not easy……Wishing you well…… ❤
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Thank you, I really appreciate your comment. I’m sure we’ll be able to work things out in a way that benefits both of us. I hope things will improve for you as well 🙂
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That sounds so difficult. I’m sorry. Perhaps you could try quiet hours? Designate some times to be in common areas, such as watching television or making a meal, in silence. Likewise, offset that by designating social times. Plan to have conversations at certain times, even pre-planned topics. Maybe having a topic picked out could elicit deeper conversations? You could even make it into an art project, making a pretty chart for the different times. You could explain that you each have opposite needs, so maybe this will fill both your and her needs for alone and together times. If you are both crafty, you could take turns making the chart. On that note, are there activities, such as arts and crafts, that you could do with her that would make her feel more in touch with other people but also be somewhat relaxing for you? Perhaps something that she would be so engrossed in that she would be a bit quieter? 😉
My husband and I have some issues we’ve needed to deal with so we’ve been assigning times to talk, and I find it’s easier to talk then because I know it is coming. Likewise, I told him that every time I enter a common area, he needs to not jump out and start talking to me- it makes me feel stalked, lol. And he’s an introvert!- I cannot imagine the frustration of your situation.
That’s the best I have for now. Really hope you find something that works for you both. That is a tough spot to be in. Hang in there.
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I honestly hadn’t thought of planning out time to talk, but I think that could work. If I know it’s coming, I can mentally prepare, which is better for everyone involved 😉 I’ve done creative projects with her before and she talks all the way through 😉 but I appreciate the idea. Thanks so much for your comment. I hope things can improve for you as well!
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I was hoping she was the type to have to concentrate too hard during a project to talk, haha. Best of luck!
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Thanks 😉
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Have you tried respectfully talking to her, telling her that sometimes you just need it quiet? Maybe finding a balance, giving her some time to talk but not letting her monopolize your entire life?
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Thanks for your comment 🙂 We’ve had a conversation on the subject before, which got me hopeful, but she seems to have slipped back into old habits. I think I’ll have to bring it up again.
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I’ve been struggling with housemates being around all the time, too. While I’ve largely been grateful for the extra time I’ve had to focus on my personal growth due to so much time at home, my housemate relationships have definitely been tested these past few months!
Wishing you the best in your situation. ❤️
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I agree, the extra time has been lovely for so many reasons. But having roommates around more has also been a challenge. I hope things improve for you as well 🙂
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Maybe you could try wearing headphones (the big ones that are quite obvious) whenever you leave your room? It’s the universal symbol for “I’m not listening to you.”
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I’ve actually done this a few times while cooking (I was so burned out I couldn’t focus on
a conversation if I wanted to). But I may employ this more often as it’s pretty effective 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
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It does sound like you may have to revisit your earlier conversation, and what a sticky situation to have to deal with in your own home right now. 😑 Perhaps you could review with her your need for quiet, but that you’d really enjoy cooking dinner with her once or twice a week and talking then. Something like that to reinforce both your needs and your appreciation of her.
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I’m just trying to figure out what kinds of things we could do together. Meal prep is out since I prepare in advance and she makes something each night. But we both have creative projects we could do together. Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it 🙂
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