Introvert struggles

people-2558290_1920Things have been good overall. Work is going well and I’m keeping busy and have lots to do. My weekends have been a lot of fun and show no signs of slowing down until after August. But I’ve been getting more quiet time during the week to compensate and it’s helping. I’ve been ramping up my workouts after a bout of illness. I’m getting back to where I was before and the endorphins are always a plus. I’ve been having a lot of fun with my dance classes. I’ve been attending classes for nearly 5 months and have gotten to know a few of the other regulars at the studio. I’m in the middle of planning out my next adventure this autumn which I’m excited for. There are a lot of awesome things going on in my life right now.

But at home I’m pretty stressed out. Apparently a closed door means I want to be disturbed with questions. And there’s more to it than just that. I feel claustrophobic and dread going home sometimes. Despite the fact that it’s my own place.

She’s younger than I am. I totally understand living on your own can be scary. It takes time to figure things out. Even I don’t have everything figured out, that’s life. But she’s extremely clingy, copies everything I do, and wants to spend every waking moment with me. It’s stifling. We’re stuck together for the foreseeable future and I’m not sure if anything is going to change. I’m willing to talk but she soon forgets what we’ve discussed and we’re back to square one. It feels like she’s not listening at all.

Any advice or ideas to help me out?

17 thoughts on “Introvert struggles

  1. Warrior Freya says:

    Have you mentioned to her that it feels like she doesn’t listen or care since nothing seems to change or last?

    I know that’s not the easiest thing to tell someone. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s one of the hardest, but maybe that’s the painful truth she needs to hear to realize what she’s doing.

    I’m not sure how the conversations you’ve had in the past have gone, so maybe this is all stuff you’ve said, but let her know just how uncomfortable she’s making you. Tell her it’s gotten to the point where you dread coming home and that talking about the things that bother you feels pointless because you don’t feel heard.

    It’s not fair of her to continue to be inconsiderate of what you need, want, and expect as an individual. Home is supposed to be a safe place for everyone who lives there, not just her. If after a conversation like that, all cards on the table, things still don’t change then it speaks more about her character than yours and you can make the decisions best for you based on that information.

    I hope things get better for you. ❤

    Liked by 4 people

    • Ally says:

      Thank you for your insight, it’s definitely a conversation we need to have soon. It’s frustrating when you have a really great conversation about our differences in energy and accommodating each other’s needs. Then nothing changes. But like you said, she needs to know how she’s making me feel as I’m sure it’s not intentional on her part. Thank you for sharing, I hope things improve too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. DavidJTerrell says:

    “Things have been good overall” you started saying. For me that is the point, there will be always the little things that we don’t like, and you understand her feelings and motives so just don’t pay to much attention and remember The Beatles’ “Let it be”.
    Best regards.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ally says:

      If it were only a small thing, I’d be happy to overlook it. But unfortunately it’s something that has become a constant source of stress for me. But I can definitely use the reminder to let things be, as per the Beatles 🙂 Thank you for sharing your perspective!

      Like

  3. Soul Simple says:

    As an alternative reflection, sometimes the way others behave triggers something in us that we need to address. As a fellow introvert who is also very sensitive to other people’s energy and actions, I have been there many times and sincerely feel you. However, one thing I have learned over the past 42 years is that I can’t change the people around me, I can only work more on myself and my response to the triggers that come my way. It may help to reframe the conversation you have, to make it more about you and to try and explain that you are struggling to maintain a healthy relationship with some of these behaviours and your not sure what the solution is, but something needs to change. Perhaps both of you could negotiate to take some action out of it and see if that approach works? The solution may sit somewhere in the middle of both your perspectives. If you don’t feel you are being heard try and ask for them to paraphrase what you have said and ask for their commitment to their share of whatever action is agreed, and then make a time to follow up. It can be very difficult for some people to understand our introverted thought processes, and any lasting change will require work from both of you to somehow meet in the middle.
    In the end if you can’t change the people around, you may need to change the people around you 🙏🏻

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ally says:

      Thank you for sharing your perspective, it’s something I hadn’t considered. I can work on changing how I react to certain things and I think that will help with my peace of mind as well.

      While we’ve had conversations, I don’t think we’ve been connecting. I’ve thought she understood my perspective but was proved wrong days later. I’m sure there are things I’m missing too. Thank you for the ideas, I really appreciate them and will use them next time 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. VTNessa says:

    I second what Soul SImple said about having her say back to you what she heard. What we think others say and what they actually interpret it as can be very different, no matter how clearly we feel we have communicated.

    A simple, tangible thing to try would be to have a sign on your door. You can make it cute, bold, colorful- whatever you think would help and be noticed- and hang it up when you need your privacy. My son is on the autism spectrum and often can’t remember the meaning behind the words I say much less understand my non-verbal cues. I’ve taken on behavior modifications like making signs, leaving post-it notes around at his eye level, etc., to try to communicate something better to him because he just doesn’t get it inherently. It usually helps- though both he and my husband for some reason become helpless creatures in need of my endless advice anytime they hear me open a book, lol.

    Hoping the situation adjusts soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ally says:

      I agree, even when you’re talking face to face, you have no idea how the other person is interpreting what you say. Because it’s based on their own experiences, though processes, and perspective on life. I love the idea of having a sign for my door, I think I will do just that. Thank you for commenting 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Soul Searching says:

    “But at home I’m pretty stressed out. Apparently a closed door means I want to be disturbed with questions. … I’m willing to talk but she soon forgets what we’ve discussed and we’re back to square one. It feels like she’s not listening at all. Any advice or ideas to help me out? … But she’s extremely clingy, copies everything I do…”

    Since talking doesn’t seem to be working, how about writing? Put a sign on the door to your room that makes it clear what your desires are. Something lighthearted like “Office hours are between 5:00 — 7:00. For more information, please email ___,” so that she won’t feel like you’re giving her the cold shoulder.

    Another idea is:

    Explain to your roommate how quiet time is not only good for you, but good for her as well. Then she’ll have more of an incentive to honor such time.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. theloudintrovert12 says:

    Hang in there. I found explaining to someone that you are introverted and need time to be alone to recharge often helps and most people, if they care about you get it. But of course it’s still a two way street and I know in order to maintain relationships we must keep in contact, we must go a little over beyond for this person, and I know how scary and draining social interaction can be but if you love them, it’s worth it. Sometimes it’s even rewarding to hear the thoughts of others when you truly have a deep and inspiring conversation.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ally says:

      Thanks, it’s definitely a challenge finding the balance between quiet and social time. I also love the deep, interesting, conversations that draw you closer to others, they’re so incredibly rewarding 🙂 Thank you for commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

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