Roommate challenges

girls-1209321_1920It’s been nearly three months since my extroverted roommate moved in. It’s been a good experience overall. Both of us keep things clean and tidy which is great. She’s a lovely person but there’s a huge difference in our personalities and it’s been a bit of a struggle at times.

To me, a roommate is someone who shares rent. Someone you can chat with when you cross paths. But otherwise you maintain separate lives. I get the feeling she’s looking for a best friend. Someone who’s game for late night pizza runs and all-nighters. But I’m not that person. I don’t have the energy nor the inclination.

She comes across as confident but she’s also needy. If she hears me in the kitchen, she’ll join me. If I’m in the living room, she’s sitting beside me or talking to me from her room. She’ll ask me where I’m going if I’m heading out. She’ll ask me why I’m getting back later after a dance class or workout. She’s likely just curious and making conversation, but it can be stifling. She got a gym membership at the same gym and suggested we work out together. Even if I wanted to, our schedules and routines are so different that I don’t see the point. I often dread going home. Sometimes I’ll spend time at a quiet coffee shop after work, to postpone the inevitable.

It hasn’t been all bad though. We’ve connected through a few shared hobbies. And I’ve been learning a lot. I’ve been getting plenty of chances to practice saying ‘no’. I’m learning to prioritize my health. And I no longer feel guilty for closing my door and recharging in my room. I’m really hoping that once it warms up she’ll get out more. And maybe I can have a quiet evening alone 😉

Do you have any suggestions?

 

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19 thoughts on “Roommate challenges

  1. buff327 says:

    Wow…bless your heart…you need an introvert to live with. You can peer at each other from slightly cracked open doors to see who is going to move from one room to the other so you wont have to “run into each other”. Im joking a little, but thats the way it should be…for introverts. I dont expect an extro to ever understand it…bless their hearts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ally says:

      I agree haha. I had the most wonderful introverted roommate a couple of years back and it was wonderful. We were very aware of how the other was feeling. We’d even go to social events together because we always ran out of energy at the same time. I miss those days 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Tony Burgess says:

    From my college experience its good to have two of the same kind intro/extrovert but sometimes you don’t get that option. Learn from one another and find some chill time when you can. This might be preparing you for future attractions.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ally says:

      I agree, it’s already been a good learning experience. She’s a good friend, so I think that’s good incentive to make things work. And I’m sure the things I learn will help in the future 🙂

      Like

  3. veryrach says:

    hmmm… I think I am your roommate in theory, lol. But I take social clues a lot easier, I am very concerned about bothering people. I would be more blunt about your reasons when saying no. Just stating “I need more time alone” can do a lot. Also, maybe ask her if there is a night like once a week that you could have the place to yourself? Maybe more of a schedule would help, so she has scheduled time out to be out of the house?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ally says:

      She does shift work, which makes it a little more challenging to create a schedule. But when she works a closing shift, I have the whole evening to myself and it’s wonderfully quiet. I can definitely be more blunt and forward about needing alone time though, thanks for the suggestions 🙂

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  4. Britta says:

    Would you feel comfortable telling her, “hey, I’m a huge introvert at heart and, while I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, I also need my space.”? I’m not the best at being vocal about my needs, so I’m not necessarily the best person to give this advice, but I’ve also found how important communication is, especially with non intuitives.

    I’m currently not speaking to my roommate, which sounds really childish when I write it out. Yet, while I’ve learned a lot from this situation, I’ve found the situation to be incredibly toxic to my well being and believe it’s healthy for me to focus my energy completely elsewhere. We have an agreement that we take turns buying shared supplies, which is the only communication I need at this point.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ally says:

      We’ve actually had a discussion about our differences in energy. But I think she gets excited to spend time with people (usually me) and forgets I can only deal with so much. I agree, communication is vital in all relationships, but definitely with those who can’t pick up on non-verbal cues or read the situation. That’s too bad about your roommate. But it seems like the best option, especially in a toxic situation. Hope things improve for you 🙂

      Like

      • Britta says:

        Maybe you could develop a signal you can give her when you’re not up for hanging out? When she feels overeager to spend time with you and you’re not up for that, you can give her that signal so she knows to look for social engagement elsewhere.

        Thanks Ally, my lease is up in couple months, and I’m planning on moving out. I’m only here for little while longer!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. mawil1 says:

    Oh dear, you just don’t match! She’s trying to be friendly and to be friends because friends are good yes? Maybe you need to explain to her that you won’t be offended if she has a life without you, that you won’t feel ‘left out’ – although you need your privacy and don’t want her having people round all the time. Maybe even go so far as to schedule in some time that you spend together, maybe once per week, some time when it’s ok for her to have other friends round (you can be out) but otherwise keep it quiet in there? How you play it depends a bit on whether she is your Tennant, you hers or you are on an equal footing like in a college dorm or something.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ally says:

      Yeah, I know she’s just being friendly. We share the place equally and I’ve told her she’s welcome to have people over but she’s new to the area and tends to stay home most of the time. That means her main source of socialization (other than work) is me. Hopefully once the weather warms up she’ll be more likely to go out with other people 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Shannon Paige says:

    Oh man this is the exact reason I feel blessed that I have never had to room with anyone … i would be the exact same way! Can I tell you something- I even felt like this with my own sister when she moves back home (where I am) last year bc she is a total opposite extrovert and it was exactly what u described. So I can totally relate! My bf and I are both introverts and we are looking for a house right now and we “joke” that we will both have our separate caves where we can go and spend time apart when needed lol

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ali says:

    This takes me back to shared houses. I don’t have any advice other than that it is fine for you to need your own space. Everyone has different levels of needing or not needing company, and you don’t need to judge or be judged.

    Liked by 1 person

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