These past few weeks have been interesting. It’s reminded me how much more assertive I still need to become.
I’ve been consistently undermined, likely due to a lack of confidence, since my skills speak for themselves. Or questions will be asked and my answer will be ignored. People assume they know what I’m thinking, when the opposite is true. I don’t have the ability to respond articulately on the fly. So as a result, I say nothing and the frustration builds.
Although I’ve come a long way, I’m still far too passive. If someone takes advantage of a close friend or family member, I’ll go on the offensive. But when it happens to me, I don’t have the same reaction. As a recovering people-pleaser, I’m still learning to take potentially confrontational situations head on, but it’s a challenge.
I need the wisdom of knowing where to draw the line and how to enforce it. My frustration stems more from my lack of ability to respond, than to the situation itself. Any ideas on how I can be more proactive?
But in more positive news, I saw the Wonder Woman movie and it was fantastic!
How’s your week going?
welcome to my little piece of quiet 
I could have written this myself….I stand with you.
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Thank you for the support, I really appreciate it 🙂
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Hi, Ally!
Some suggestions from another person who doesn’t shoot from the hip well in the midst of conversation (I’m presuming this is in a meeting/multi-person discussion):
–Wait to be the last one to speak so you have time to hear what everyone else has to say first. Your comment/concern might be addressed by a faster talker.
–If you haven’t formulated a response to all of the points brought up in a discussion, say something at the end like, “I’m not certain of all the implications of X, but I’d like to discuss them with you later.”
If it’s a one-on-one discussion, don’t let the topic change until you’ve had your questions/comments have been addressed from the previous topic.
Either way, don’t put up with interruptions. If someone starts talking over you, say, “Excuse me, I wasn’t finished speaking,” or the equivalent. If the person interrupting you keeps going on, say, “Excuse me, I’m still not finished. You’re being rude.” Honestly, if you don’t call some people on their behavior, they won’t even realize they’re doing it.
Hang in there, keep doing you the best you can.
/b
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This is fantastic, thank you for all the suggestions, I really appreciate them. I think my biggest thing is needing to say something when I’m interrupted/talked over. At the very least, others need to know that I’ll stand up for myself in that way. Hopefully the rest will come with time and practice 🙂
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So true. I’m just discovering my confidence. I think confidence is the better word than assertive. Have the confidence to be yourself.
The reply from Bart is a good reply. Play to your strengths while being confident.
I’ve been following my own distilled version of Buddhism. Just be the best person you can be and don’t worry about others. Practice mindfulness to stop your thoughts wandering or worrying.
We can’t win at their game but we are smarter than them. It is frustrating that our voice isn’t heard, sometimes it’s best just to leave them to it.
I like your phrase “recovering people pleaser”. That’s how I would describe myself. Now its time for me. It’s time to look after myself and take my own direction and not try and follow the crowd.
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Those are some great points. I’m definitely working on individual growth and not caring what others think, but it’s easier said than done 🙂
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Don’t feel guilty, though, for choosing your battles. When something matters enough to you, you will find the energy to speak. And it may make more of an impact than the words spoken by that person who has something to say about everything. J.
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Thank you for this, I found it really encouraging 🙂
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introvert ^5
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🙂
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I am with you! I have been working on this for a long time and it seems like with every new situation, it gets more intense, so I’m always outside of my comfort zone. I’m getting better in some ways, and yet am a beginner still in a lot of other ways. I dealt with this last week during a meeting and the frustration killed all joy and peace. Oy! I try to always remain calm so I do not seem dramatic – when you interrupt back, I find as a woman it’s brushed off as dramatic, when a man can do it and be assertive. I’ll start by saying something like, “As I was saying before …” or “I was getting to that, but thank you …” Or, ironically, I will make eye contact and remain quiet for a moment too long before I jump back in – I find that unnerves people greatly and I get the point across without being overtly rude.
Here’s to you and everyone else learning this!
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Thank you for sharing your own experiences. I’m always calm, but I think that’s part of the problem, as people don’t think anything bothers me. Thanks for the encouragement and ideas, I really appreciate it! 🙂
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